My journey to finally receiving a diagnosis for both ADHD and Autism was interesting. My own Doctor’s comment when requesting to go on the NHS waiting list, was you do not look or sound like someone with ADHD. That dismissal around ten years ago was not the end of it though.
With a new Doctor after my previous Doctor had retired, I requested to go on the waiting list again. This time the Dr was far more forthright in that I was wasting my time and if got this far in my life why bother now trying to find out when it’s very unlikely, I won’t have ADHD. Also, now that the NHS were offering the ADHD diagnosis it was now overloaded with applicant and I’d be waiting years to get diagnosed so I’d be better off going private. After a conversation that was tense and frustrating, despite me explaining the problems I have experienced all my life the Dr was resolute that it wouldn’t be a waste of time me going on the NHS waiting list as I’d done an awful lot of research into my patterns of behaviour. I wouldn’t accept her dismissal and eventually she put me on the waiting list. 2 years later I received the form through the door. By that time, I was told that the waiting list to be processed after completing the questionnaire could be up to three years.
My emotional experience of waiting has been one of the hardest periods of my life. Not just the waiting for the assessment, which seems more a punishment than a step towards the understanding of my behaviour. Whilst waiting and reading about ADHD and also learning about other’s experiences that mirrored my own was quite challenging and uncomfortable simply because I realised that there was so much, I didn’t know about myself. A simple example would be an inability to keep jobs and relationships which at no point did I turn the mirror on myself to see what part I played in the choices I was making. So, the choice reinforced who I thought I was and who others thought I was yet the facts were very different. I was actually behaving that way because some parts of me are wired very differently than others. When identity is connected to behaviour, I personally felt that was just who I was rather than looking at why am I behaving like that and having all these problems that many others just don’t seem to have.
To finally find out that I not only had been diagnosed with ADHD but also Autism which was due to the skills and diligence of my assessor and the Owl centres amazing staff let me know finally that there’s a reason for these patterns of behaviour, the amazing ones and also the not so amazing ones. This has led me to really question who I really am, at 62 that’s an interesting place to be in and one where I am lucky enough to have had a good deal of support as I look back at a life lived with ADHD and Autism that I was totally unaware of until around 10 years ago. Accepting my diagnosis has been a relief and blessing. I can look back with some empathy now at a life lived managing hit as best I can but in ignorance of it.
Now I know that with the knowledge and understanding of both ADHD and Autism which grows daily I can lead a life where I have the tools not to change these things but to be able to fully conscious of their effects on my behaviour and thought processes and I lead a life that I can hopefully create for myself that enables me to enjoy it a whole lot more than I have the previous 60 years which have been a real challenge.
Knowledge is a wonderful thing.